There’s something that’s been circling in my head for a while and it came up today in a conversation with another facilitator who’s been running a group as long as I have.
Every Monday night, across the UK, around 6,500 (or so) men walk through the doors of Andy’s Man Club (it was actually over 6,800 this Monday across 344 groups). Roughly 400 to 500 of those walk through the door for the first time.
That’s a huge intake. It’s excellent.
So the obvious question is: if around 500 new men attend every week, why does the overall number hover around the same figure (roughly) month after month?
Now before anyone reaches for the defensive button, pause. Let me explain.
- This isn’t about growth charts.
- It isn’t about KPIs.
- It isn’t about “why aren’t they coming back?”
It’s about understanding what “support” actually means.
Support – The Word That Carries Too Much
Andy’s Man Club describes itself as a men’s suicide prevention charity offering free peer-to-peer support groups.
That word – support – is elastic.
To some men, support means guidance, follow-up, advice, direction. To others, it means: sit with me, hear me, don’t judge me.
AMC is very clear internally about what it offers.
- Facilitators are not counsellors.
- No advice is given.
- There are no professionals in the room acting in that capacity.
It’s peer presence. Not therapy.
That distinction matters. Because if a man walks in expecting structured intervention and receives witnessing instead, that mismatch might shape whether he returns.
That doesn’t mean the model is wrong. It just means expectations matter.
Suicide Prevention Is Not A Membership Scheme
Here’s the uncomfortable truth – that actually isn’t uncomfortable at all once you sit with it:
Suicide prevention isn’t about building a permanent membership base.
It’s about interruption.
Some interventions are one-touch. A man walks in during the worst week of his life. He says something out loud he’s never said before. He realises he isn’t the only one thinking like this. The spiral pauses.
That pause can be life-saving.
He might never come back. And that might be absolutely fine.
If someone presents as an imminent risk, emergency services are contacted. That’s crisis response, not long-term case management.
The model is:
- open door,
- safe space,
- peer presence,
- no fixing.
That is support.
It’s just episodic support.
The Plateau Is Not Failure
If 500 new men attend weekly and the number stabilises around 6,500 or 7,000, that may not be stagnation. It may be steady-state crisis interception.
A constant flow in. A constant flow out. Lives interrupted in between.
A gym would panic at that pattern. A suicide prevention charity probably shouldn’t.
But steady-state can still hide friction. And asking about friction isn’t criticism. It’s stewardship.
A Better Question To Ask
Instead of asking “why aren’t they coming back?”, maybe the better question is: do we understand their journey?
Not to drive retention. Not to chase attendance numbers. Not to commercialise crisis.
But to understand whether what we offer matches what men actually need when they walk through the door.
If 500 men attend for the first time each week:
- what did they expect,
- what did they experience, and did it match?
- If they didn’t return, why?
That isn’t corporate thinking. That’s quality assurance.
AMC already has strong governance around safeguarding, reporting, and feedback. Reflection is part of the culture. Anonymous, voluntary feedback from first-time attendees wouldn’t be about judging facilitators or chasing growth. It would be about clarity.
Because if the public hears “support” and imagines fixing, but AMC offers witnessing (support by listening without judgement), the gap isn’t a flaw. It’s a communication issue. And communication can be improved.
No Model Is Perfect
A gym isn’t right for everyone. CBT isn’t right for everyone. AA isn’t right for everyone. Sitting in a circle isn’t right for everyone.
And that’s fine.
What matters is honesty about what the model is. AMC offers space, listening, and men sitting with men. It deliberately avoids advice, therapy, and one-to-one intervention.
That tension between expectation and reality will always exist. The question isn’t how to eliminate it. The question is whether we’re clear enough before a man walks through the door.
This Isn’t Frustration
Three years in, I’m not asking this from irritation. I’m asking it from responsibility. I genuinely feel sad if a man who came for the first time last doesn’t come this week.
There’s a real difference between saying “why aren’t they staying?” and “do we fully understand what they need?”
One is defensive. The other isn’t.
If the mission is reducing male suicide, then clarity around how “support” is understood matters.
Not because numbers matter.
Because men do.
Questions Men Ask About Andy’s Man Club
What actually happens at Andy’s Man Club?
You sit in a circle with other men and talk, if you want to. There’s no agenda, no therapist, and nobody telling you what to do. Facilitators are there to keep things safe and moving, not to give advice. It’s peer presence, not peer counselling.
Do I have to keep going back?
No. Some men come once, say what they need to say, and that’s enough. Others become regulars. There’s no expectation either way. If one session gives you something useful, that’s the point.
Is Andy’s Man Club a substitute for therapy?
No, and it doesn’t claim to be. Facilitators aren’t counsellors, and no professional advice is given in the room. If you’re in crisis, they’ll make sure you get proper support. But the sessions themselves are peer-to-peer, not clinical.
Why do so many men only attend once?
There are a few possible reasons. Some men get what they came for in one session. Others might find the format isn’t what they expected. And some are at a point where just turning up once is an enormous step. One visit can still matter, even if there’s no second one.
What does “peer support” actually mean in this context?
It means men sitting with men. No hierarchy, no expert at the front of the room. The support comes from being heard by people who get it, not from being fixed by someone who’s supposed to have the answers.